my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
