I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
