I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
