I wanna bring you to show and tell
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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