We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
