i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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