BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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