Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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