So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
