I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
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