last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Randomize
