VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
