if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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