Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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