:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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