afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Randomize
