Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize