i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
COCAINE IS GR8
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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