Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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