Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
