Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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