I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
