my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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