If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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