So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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