so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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