Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
