so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
