JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
