I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pants are for mortals
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
