Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
