I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
