It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize