well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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