Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
should my penis look like a turkey
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
