I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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