She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
