I got chris browned last night
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
