I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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