2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My liver just had a heart attack.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
