I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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