I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
