I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
