I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize