yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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