don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
