Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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