i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
