Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
