where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Mom said you looked used
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
