fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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