is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
