This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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