Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
