I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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