There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
