Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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