is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
