He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
