party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
