i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
