Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we're so committed to being not committed
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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